Thursday, December 29, 2005

Never mind the bollocks

So Mood I has come and gone.My mood remains the same.Too gloomy and apprehensive and tense too enjoy a fest or anything else.It's very odd to write something when in that frame of mind but I guess this is the only time I can pull off a non-joking and preaching post.The motive being to read back and exclaim 'How could I ever write this?',pretty much like I do when flipping the pages of stupid diaries with single digit pages filled back home.

It's taken 5 sems and some major,major setbacks to realise that I should have been a shade serious about things,especially with a mediocre profile like mine.With just about 2 (maybe 1) sem to go when companies and firms come pouring in mainly for the brighter,more hard working lot,it's slightly late in the day for the realisation to dawn upon.And probably too late to work on it.The worse thing is when I talk to someone,or someone talks to me about future prospects,they always think that inspite of my severe shortcomings I am the one who is better placed because I know this and that and blah and blah.There is nothing more frustrating than that.

The trip back home did not help either.I heard about classmates from all over the country,never mind the college names because even I don't remember them,being placed in this and that company and getting this and that much.Recalling each one from school and then imagining that very soon I could be fighting for spots similar to them and maybe join them as colleagues wasn't vey reassuring.This because however low on confidence I might be,I know that I don't belong there.The sad part is that the people recruiting won't know the difference,and I can't even blame them for that.

Up until now when anyone asked to me the question 'What next?' my replies generally made sure that he never ever asked the question to anyone again.Now if I don't find the answers pretty soon,with the limited options in hand,who knows where will I land up.Repentance? Pretty much yes,and a bit of retrospection.

I'm not a big fan of 'Hey,everything happens for good,things will work out' kind of theory,but ironically seems I have to depend very heavily on that now.

This is turning out to be like one of those songs where the title has got nothing to do with the content like 'What's the frequency Kenneth' and stuff.But hey,I really have learned not to mind those bollocks.Be it the people who don't know the names of cricketers they are watching in the stadium or the name of the band whose song is being played at the rock show.The latter happened a while ago,many times at that,during Livewire.I realised that people come to enjoy the stuff,which they will listen for now and then forget forever.Fair enough.I may/may have been caught in similar situations myself.Everyone can't be,try to be a purist,which is not a nice thing to be anyway.So go ahead,sit next to me and call names like Gary Klusener and Lance Kirsten and ask what 'Immigrant Song' is.I promise I won't give you the glare.

And in case you are wondering,the title is a 'Sex Pistols' album.Again,I don't mind.

2 comments:

kaushal said...

hey why are u so depressed??? save something for the placement season... coz if u r thinking this is as bad it can get, u r heavily mistaken!!!

Nikhil said...

:((

Take this as a warm up to the placement season.