Friday, February 24, 2006

the end has no end the end has no end

I was waiting for this day to post. Everyone's exams are over. Ours aren't. We've got 2 tomorrow. It all ends tomorrow, then starts again.

This week I've been busy. Very. The NBA all star weekend, the 2 UEFA champions league matches. Bad timing for exams. Exams do tend to bring out the best in people though. I got this as an IM forward:

Q. What is the vector inverse of Sridevi? (hint: if a is a vector then a-bar is the inverse)
A. Tabu. Sridevi was Chandani, Tabu was in Chandani Bar.

This led to some more innovations. I got this soon after:

Q. If Imran Hashmi is a serial kisser then who is a parallel kisser?
A. Ravana.

Then I bumped across this IITB indigenous Orkut group, which has this legendary senior as an active member. Legendary because I was on the recieving end of his gyaan a long time ago:

Q. What is the answer for Life,Universe and Everything?
Me and everyone else (read freshies) : 42
RT: 69.

So that group obviously had some more major gyaans. Highlights follow:

Einstien theory of relativity disco maarta hai and apna motorcycle lekar time machine banata hai and goes for a ride at the speed of light. Wahin, doosri lane mein usee Gulshan Grover milta hai. Einstinen poochta hai:

E: What is your name?
D: Gulshan Grocer..


kyun ki at that speed, v=c!

Another one. Specially if you dig KBC jokes and are sick of the give-options-for-baap-ka-naam waala joke. Follows:

Amitabh: Welcome to Kaun Banega Crorepati Dritiya!
Atal: Ji Shukriya... kya mein pooch sakta hoon ki is program ki agli nasal ka kya naam hoga?
Amitabh: Of course.. Kaun Banega Crorepati Tritiya...
Atal: Ok! Aur uske baad.. Kaun Banega Crorepati Ch.... ?
Amitabh: Computerji, inhe lock kar diya jaaye!

Some classic Non-sequiturism is can be found there. By the way I learnt that phrase today. Here:

Professor: 'A' for?
Little Boka: Apple !!!
Teacher: Jor se bolo
Little Boka: JAI MATA DI

Anti-humor is addictive. I got into the act too.

Q. What is the favourite energy drink of hookers?
A. Whore-Licks.

Q. What do call the fuel refill of a coal powered racing car?
A. A peat stop.

Puns are pretty addictive. Bird Flu gave the passport to millions of people to come up with bad or worse puns. Stupid TOI journalists tell us 'Not to flirt with chicks' and HT says 'Fowl Play'.
No wonder he had this status message- 'Bird flu puns...sigh :(' . I messaged him and asked 'How about One Flu east, One Flu west, One flu over the Cuckoo's nest? ' He took a bow.

Status messages are the best place to place your puns or jokes. See? My potpourri partners, him and Kela usually have the best ones. Two that I still remember:

Sujay: I am very poor. I can't even pay attention.
Kela: Why is Santa always happy? Because he knows where all the bad girls are.

I got inspired, had this thermodynamic pun:

If I got any cooler, I would be absolute zero.

Maybe already am. Exams remind of the setting of M*A*S*H and the way they deal with the gloom. Hawkeye Pierce I so want to be you.


Sunil Kundal said...

ha ha ha .. arey seems like u have had enough of all this crap .. but i cudnt make it out ki u r finally njoying all prevalent form of humour or not .. apparently, u have done a little research on the genres of humour :p :p ..
and seems like u r really a great fan of M*A*S*H .. have noticed it since long :p .. yaad hai tune kitna thanks kiya tha jab yeh movie aayi thi BB pe :p :p well i havent watched it yet .. kabhi to dekhenge !!

Abhi said...

that was as funny as jim carrey man !! great read.i think i just spat out my jaw laughing.

Nikhil said...

[kundal] I'm a part of the group of the people who make such jokes. So mentioning them to be funny would be like praising myself :D

MASH dekh le of my favourites :)

[abhinav] coming from you it's a huge compliment. thanks :)

Prakriti said...

I jumped out laughing specially with the non-sequitor kinds!

Thanks for a genuine LOL!

The Wizard of Odd said...


I miss Hawkeye. Radar. Hotlips.

Fukkit-- I even miss Frank.

Great post. I grin, Horatio. I grin.

W of D.

Nikhil said...

[prkariti] glad you liked it

[w of d] *sigh*
you made me miss them even more.
keep grinning, and thanks..
*continues whistling suicide is painless*