Saturday, June 09, 2007

A Drift

It is never a good idea to talk about people. Praise leads to flattery, truth goes down bitterly. From where I come from, friends don't feel bad if they are not acknowledged, they feel embarrassed if they are. Try sending someone a birthday card, or present a juvenile thing like a friendship band, and wait for the wrath to fall upon you. I love it that way, where you don't really have to say, prove materially what others mean to you, they just know. I know.

Which is why I won't talk about people here. There are many things I've wanted to say to many people. Somethings I have said, some for fear of being misunderstood and being accused of showing a condescending attitude I have held back. Rightly so, for who am I to preach? Preachers I have grown to hate, and I don't want to hate myself. There are things I wish would change. The idol worship, the 'king's clothes syndrome', the desperation for things unnecessary, the perennial wannabe behaviour, the pretense, the fickle ideals, false self consolations ; there are just too many of them. I have wanted to say to many people, what Lester Bangs said to William Miller in 'Almost Famous'.

Lester Bangs: Aw, man. You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong.
William Miller: Well, it was fun.
Lester Bangs: They make you feel cool. And hey. I met you. You are not cool.
William Miller: I know. Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn't.


This means much more than you might think it does. Unfortunately there aren't enough William Millers around. Probably all the pretenders get around and make a world that seems real to all of them. Probably I'm a part of of that world. I'm fighting with all I've got to get out. Only that I really can't get the people around me to come with me. The worst it leads to is frustration, something I have learnt to get over soon enough. I'm glad I didn't end up disliking many people, I wish the many would have been any. I wish the same with me, although I know that hate is often reciprocated.

The easiest explanation would be that everyone around is growing up and I'm lagging far behind. Suddenly people are becoming possessive of their 'private life', a phrase to cover up all the cheesy messages and mails and other secret correspondences, and a friendship worth years becomes an instant liability to protect these new acquaintances. Everyone of which is a prospective partner for life. A premature obsession with money is becoming an epidemic. Some yearn for fame to add to that. Reconciling and waiting for the right time are out of fashion. Probably the side effects of ambition; I'll never get to know. I never want to know.

Or, of course, all this could be an immediate effect of listening to The Ramones in loop, with part of lyrics being highlighted and flashing before the eyes.

When I'm lyin' in my bed at night
I don't wanna grow up
Nothin' ever seems to turn out right
I don't wanna grow up
How do you move in a world of fog
That's always changing things
Makes me wish that I could be a dog
When I see the price that you pay
I don't wanna grow up
I don't ever wanna be that way
I don't wanna grow up

Seems like folks turn into things
That they'd never want
The only thing to live for
Is today
I'm gonna put a hole in my TV set
I don't wanna grow up
Open up the medicine chest
And I don't wanna grow up
I don't wnna have to shout it out
I don't want my hair to fall out
I don't wanna be filled with doubt
I don't wanna be a good boy scout
I don't wanna have to learn to count
I don't wanna have the biggest amount
I don't wanna grow up

Well when I see my parents fight
I don't wanna grow up
They all go out and drinking all night
And I don't wanna grow up
I'd rather stay here in my room
Nothin' out there but sad and gloom
I don't wanna live in a big old Tomb
On Grand Street

When I see the 5 o'clock news
I don't wanna grow up
Comb their hair and shine their shoes
I don't wanna grow up
Stay around in my old hometown
I don't wanna put no money down
I don't wanna get me a big old loan
Work them fingers to the bone
I don't wanna float a broom
Fall in and get married then boom
How the hell did I get here so soon
I don't wanna grow up


Ramones - I Don't Want To Grow Up

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I wish I could quote Shakespeare or someone suitably profound and quotable that people quote to add gravity to their views. But, for now, The Ramones are all I have.

Even with all the vices I might have, I yearn for innocence, ignorance. Even if it is forced. Someday probably they'll yearn for it too. Before it's too late.

1 comment:

MJ said...

aw, man! you really don't need to quote anyone else but yourself. you have done it so well I need to thank you!

"The idol worship, the 'king's clothes syndrome', the desperation for things unnecessary, the perennial wannabe behaviour, the pretense, the fickle ideals, false self consolations; there are just too many of them. Probably all the pretenders get around and make a world that seems real to all of them.... I'm fighting with all I've got to get out."
Nikhil Jha

great! thank you so much!